Editing At Work

Reader Questions:
How are the students picked that need mentors?
Why aren't there examples written in this story, or quotes from a student, teacher, or administrator?
Who realized there was a need for mentors and tutors? How did this effort begin?

ORIGNIAL:

A new school year; fresh resolve; renewed enthusiasm. For some. Hopefully for many. But not everyone.

There are lots of reasons why some children do not face a new school year with optimism: little home encouragement, low self-esteem, inadequate educational foundation, poor classroom achievement, no dream of the future.

Volunteers can make a difference. Volunteers are making a difference. Schools need tutors and mentors for elementary, middle school, and high school students, especially for high school students at risk of dropping out. And volunteers are beginning to respond. Due to a concerted effort during the past year, 20 mentors were recruited for Oxford High School and 25 for Oxford Middle School. More are needed. Many more. In all the schools. For example, OHS needs 25 and OMS 100.

The greatest need for tutors is in the lower grades, school officials say. They hope that the tutoring relationship might develop into mentoring. Anyone interested may apply at the district office.

REVISION:

Oxford City Schools are recruiting volunteers to be tutors to elementary, middle, and high school students in the upcoming school year.

Not all students start the year with excitement and enthusiasm and a concerted effort has built over the past year to encourage students to excel. Tutors and mentors are needed for elementary, middle, and high school students.

A need for tutors is focused on the lower grades and school officials say they hope these relationships will progress into mentoring. However a strong emphasis on mentoring is also being placed on high school students who are at risk for dropping out.

Oxford City Schools need 125 volunteers and anyone interested in can apply at the district office.

An Editing Creed

As a journalist, beliefs must be a commitment, not a set of rules that could in anyway be debatable. I commit myself to be a truth teller even when I’m the only one can see it and to show real people in real situations in real life. My responsibility holds me accountable to informing the masses and moving an apathetic public to action.